Santa's Mail

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12月7日

Seeing the grim looks on the faces of some of my co-workers as we approach closer to the day of Christmas, I felt it would be timely to step back and take a lighter hearted look at the Santa story. For those who may be offended at anyone tampering with Santa's good name, please read no further. For the rest of you, here are some letters to and from Santa at the North Pole recovered under the Freedom Of Information Act.

Dear Santa

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I

send you a frigging book called a dictionary, so you can learn to read and write?

I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is Peace and joy

in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my Mommy and

daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you

think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass

constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos

instead.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer

outside the back door.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in

the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend,Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of

my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and

squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.

Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like

in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE

could I have one?

Timmy

&g t; Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work

with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa

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Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself! "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at

school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment

complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your

bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,

Santa

17:21 | 写入日志 | Humor

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	StargelEdith发表: I'd really hate to think Santa is that cynical and bitter... I actually LIKE Santa and the whole Christmas thing. I have more fun at this time of year than the rest of the year put together... seeing the looks on the faces of people I've gotten something for... I put a lot of time and effort into it and it's not a chore to me, but a pleasure. I LOVE shopping. 1 月 31 日
	Bittersweet on-the-hill.发表: Jorge.... This was certainly funny - some more so than others! After reading the letters I decided to read all the comments. I thought I might get a laugh at of some of those. I think those that didn't find them funny just chose to not comment. But a hilarious read just the same. Good thing I put my coffee cup down. Bittersweet. 12 月 16 日
	none发表: Hi JOrge, I enjoyed every one!! Thanks for sharing... Lobélia 12 月 14 日
	MackTheresa发表: HA HA HA!!! Great minds do think alike Jorge ;-) Stop by my space a see why... 12 月 13 日
	SneedJim发表: This was soooo funny. Santa himself couldn't have been this kool. Loved the posting. Jim 12 月 13 日
	lottemae发表: oh my, I can't stop laughing... you made my day... thanks...... and a holly jolly bottle of scotch to you too... hugs, lottiemae 12 月 11 日
	Deborah发表: Very funny, and I enjoyed Ask The Doctor, too. Living with a gentleman who has all the symptoms of the ads he sees on television is not funny, but I have to admit, when I read it, I got to thinking that probably many people take meds they haven't the faintest idea the why or wherefor they are doing it. I never take anything. Not for pain, not for gastro-intestinal problems, never an antibiotic unless I'm on death's door. I do take an occasional aspirin for the headaches I get listening to my friend bitch about all his problems. Thanks for stopping by. Job hunting is such a pain, but I'm an expert at it now. Blessed be 12 月 11 日
	CK发表: OK... you have me in absolute stitches... call me warped but these are hilarious... I loved it!!! Hope all is well with you Jorge! Ciao, KC 12 月 11 日
	BPJ发表: Good Afternoon Jorge, I give this a big "ole" thumb's UP!!! LOL...LOL..I enjoyed this way too much. Again, you have made me spew my hot tea on the screen. Now..excuse me while I go and get the Clorox Wipes and clean it up. SMILES. Until next time...Keep Smiling. ~~Paula~~ 12 月 10 日
	Jungle Mama发表: Very funny! I can just see some sicko elf up there rummaging through Santa's mail!! 12 月 10 日
	Bridget发表: lol...cute, there is a little part of me that wants to say 'bah humbug'. But as the days get closer the spirit will spred.Have a great Christmas! Thanks for stopping by my site. 12 月 10 日
	WantulokKatarzyna发表: loooooooooool that is another view on that Saint Santa hehe.....good that people can make others laugh with such stories. though, I still would like to believe in my childhood's dream that Santa does live in the North Pole and cares for all the children hehe.... nice entry. Nally. 12 月 10 日
	IT'erBrenda发表: Santa's way more "hip" than I realized! That's a good thing... apparently. ;) 12 月 9 日
	Marge发表: Doggone it... There was ahiccup in the posting process, Jorge; would you please delete one of my comments? One was more than enough, I suspect... Marge 12 月 9 日
	Marge发表: Well, well, well... Santa may be skipping you, too, this year, after this entry, Jorge! You see, I joined a writers' group which embraces a rather, well, twisted outlook on life. I have written some rather warped Christmas poetry and a couple of un-Marge-like Christmas stories, all in fun, of course. In troubled times, sometimes humor needs a little edge to coax a smile out of many of us jaded folks... Seriously, though, you and I are fortunate that Santa is indeed a jolly old soul who appreciates all kinds of humor. We're also fortunate that Santa has a kind, generous and forgiving soul. He still leaves something nice for me at Christmas, but leaves me little notes suggesting I might wish to consider a slight change in attitude. He's right, of course. I wish you a holly jolly and a ho ho ho! And peace and love in the coming year... Marge 12 月 9 日
	Marie发表: What a cynical Santa!! I am glad the real Santa isn't like that!! LOL!! Enjoyed all of them, though. Hugs, Marie 12 月 9 日
	LoyolaMichelle发表: This is funny. It made me laugh. Thanks for sharing it. It's hard to believe it is so close to christmas. Armando and I have had fun doing little Christmas projects. He sent a package to Chile for a child who wrote a letter to Santa and I helped a child here in the US. It was enjoyable and makes you feel good. :) Tonight was our work Christmas party. I won a $50 gift certificate! I was surprised. Have a great weekend! ((Abrazo)) Michelle 12 月 8 日
	piesweetie发表: OH my.. that was pretty funny...Vallerie 12 月 8 日
	SGelert发表: Matches my Scrooge like Christmas outlook perfectly Jorge! Might just put up my 'What you say to the parents on Parent's Evening, and what you really mean' thoughts on my blog sometime! 12 月 8 日
	AnkaraZeynep发表: Your entry made me smile... Have a great day, Zeynep. 12 月 7 日