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5月31日

Dr. Seuss and Technology

It's a beautiful weekend in Southern California, and we're getting ready to head out the beach. Miki has an old school friend visiting from Chile, so we're trying to show her some of the sights. In the meantime, for all of you who have been frustrated by your computer lately, as well as those who grew up loving Dr. Seuss, here is a short piece, courtesy of my friend Lynne. (I apologize for the missing graphics.)

You've have to read this out LOUD!!!!!

Why Computers Sometimes Crash! by Dr. Seuss.

I f a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall......

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.

When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions are causing unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, and then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom

W ell, that certainly clears things up for me. How about you?

Thank you, Bill Gates, for bringing all this into our lives.

5月24日

Memory

Most of us grow up with a complicated relationship to our fathers, that figure of power in our lives who is often absent at work, who most of us try to impress and many of us have difficulty communicating with, who nonetheless makes a profound impression on us, one we sometimes don't fully appreciate until he is gone. With Father's Day approaching, the following poem touches on the feelings evoked when we pick up one of the tools of his trade we might have found in a box in the garage, and the memories that awaken. Hope you all enjoy this Memorial Day weekend.

Stethoscopic

So convinced of the existence

of a rattle, my father made

my brother kneel in the back seat

of the Buick and move the stethoscope

across the window, the top of the seat,

the ledge below the glass,

as they drove around the neighborhood.

Nothing came through the long black tube

but my brother’s fear of being seen.

Alone, stiff in the vinyl chair

at the bedside, my mother knew

the moment of my father’s death

without a stethoscope. Nor did

she ring for a nurse, but sat frozen

while the heating vent at the window

blew the curtains slightly.

Then she bowed.

I found his old one coiled in the cabinet.

I put it on as a curiosity,

listened to my heartbeat, then laid it back.

I don’t know what I’d expect to hear

inside the slide of my family’s breathing,

or what to imagine that doesn’t make a sound.

Where would I place that cold knob

to listen for devotion?

What would I set my finger upon

to catch the regular rhythm of hope?

Jack Stewart

5月17日

Poltitcs

For those of you who have been stuck in an underground shelter awaiting the end of all days, politics is in the news. With appreciation to my friend, Fulton, here is an old simple guide updated with new modern revisions. Enjoy your weekend.

DEMOCRATIC	You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN	You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
SOCIALIST	You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST	You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE	You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE	You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION	You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION	You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION	You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION	You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION	You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION	You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION	You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION	You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION	You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION	You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION	You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION	You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
MEXICAN CORPORATION	You get the “coyotes” to illegally send the two cows across the boarder and have the American Government send checks back to Mexico for the cows not to produce milk. Same as we do our farmers in America , for years, for not growing crops.

5月11日

Mother's Day

Mother’s Day

This is the day we have chosen to officially honor not only our own mothers, but also the concept of motherhood itself. Regardless of the nature of the relationship you’ve had with your own mom, it is not a day you can escape from or forget, as you will be bombarded by reminders from all those who are invested in making this day a commercial success, if not an emotional one.

Anyone who has ever been a mother knows that regardless of the joy and satisfaction the role can give, the job description of a mom is lengthy and arduous, and not for those who are faint of heart. In many respects, the quality of our civilization has a direct relationship to how well the mothers of the world have done their job. Who else will teach and model for a child better the concept of duty, sacrifice, love, compassion, trust, forgiveness, tenderness, integrity, devotion and faith than a mother? Many mothers are handicapped in their role by circumstances of poverty, lack of education, lack of male or family support, illness both physical and mental, yet most will do the best they can for their children. As we become adults, we grow to realize this fact, and accept that while our own mothers may not have been perfect, they did the best they could for us, and we honor them for their effort, their love, and their sacrifices.

Sadly, Miki and I have been left orphans in this world, but we were both fortunate to know and to have been raised by two women who gave to us all that they had, loved us unconditionally, and to whom we remain forever grateful not only for all that they have given to us, but also for teaching us the qualities of a good man and good woman that allow us to share our own happiness this day. To all of you who are mothers, to all of you who love your mothers, to all who still have come to terms with humanity of your own mothers, and to all of you who aspire to be mothers yourselves - we offer this day our salute. Happy Mother’s Day!

5月9日

Anger

Over the years, the medical profession has done a fairly lousy job of managing the public's expectations. With TV doctors solving medical mysteries in 30-60 minutes (and having entire teams whose only apparent job is the provide for one or two patients), with reports of "miraculous" cures publicised in the print media, its small wonder that families of sick patients feel frustrated and angry when their loved ones aren't being healed, when diagnoses, (not to mention cures) are elusive. After all, when we can transplant a heart, why can't we fix a small ovarian cancer? The following speaks to this kind of incongruity, and the feelings it engenders.

Thermostat

Everything is nervous here, vibrating

to the hum of air conditioning.

Outside, the palms are never still.

Inside, palms sweat in high anxiety.

Even the indifferent chameleon

sunning on the hot veranda

blows his red sac as a warning.

On the Gulf a tropical depression

brews a hurricane. Depression

in this place is deeper still,

this space where hopes die,

wishes fail, silent waiting ends

as the next white-coated person

speaks of trying everything.

And the coldness that comes then

makes the heat of anger welcome,

like the coming storm.

Robert L. Jones

5月4日

British Humor

Thanks to all of you who persevered through my Postcards of the Riviera, with special thanks to those who were kind enough to leave a comment. Your feedback is the only way I have of knowing if what I'm doing has any value to anyone besides myself. Now, for a little lighter fare, I offer you the following photos (provided through the courtesy of my friend, Fulton) for your enjoyment. (Yes, Gelert, I had you in my mind when I posted this.) The photos, for some reason, would not load on this page, but you can find them in the adjacent album. Enjoy the rest of the weekend.